


feelings

by whitepaint



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23229436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitepaint/pseuds/whitepaint
Summary: Jaehyun is scared of Renjun
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	feelings

The boy has another book in his hands. It's only Thursday and he's already been through over ten books since Monday. Jaehyun knows he finishes all of them because one, Donghyuck won't shut up about his best friend's obsession with a specific genre (sci-fi, for the love of all things real and solid and can actually be seen by the human eyes). Jaehyun had once sat through a whole lunch hour listening to the noisy half of the Lee twins rant about why his best friend is wasting time gobbling up nonsense about aliens and ghosts when they aren't really real. Jaehyun didn't have much of an input to the conversation because while he didn't believe in ghosts, he kinda believed in aliens.  
  
("He's slowly but surely converting Jisung," Donghyuck said, his voice low like he's telling whoever has ears what he thinks is the best horror story. He was clinging onto his older brother, Taeyong's, arm while his twin brother, Jeno, giggled on his other side. "The boy already looks at him like he hung the stars and now he acts like Renjun created the earth with papier mache."  
  
"I mean, Renjun only speaks his understanding of the things he read," Doyoung countered, always Renjun's defender against the evil twins. "It's not his fault he sounds factual."  
  
"That's the problem, hyung! He has STRONG faith that everything he reads is true, which is not because for fuck's sake. Aliens."  
  
"You complain but you still stick to him like glue."  
  
"He's my soulmate."  
  
"You sound like an idiot.")  
  
Two, Renjun tells Jaehyun himself. He tells Jaehyun everything. He told Jaehyun about the aliens that came before men, how they were the ones who actually brought life forms on earth and how they were the original owners of this world. He told Jaehyun about the books the younger's dads are scared of letting him read because they're not age appropriate, but that a handful of them had actually already been read. He tells Jaehyun that he feels things when he sees the older that he's only ever read before.  
  
("I'm looking for a book about white holes."  
  
"White holes?" Jaehyun asked, interest definitely piqued. "Is that the opposite of black holes?"  
  
"Yes, but all I know is that they release so much light and cannot be entered from the outside."  
  
"Wow, okay. That sure is interesting."  
  
"Yeah," Renjun answered, looking pensive. "I saw some articles online but they're all more related to the idea of everything having an opposite."  
  
"Wait, that sounds more interesting. Everything has an opposite."  
  
"That's impossible."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
It took Renjun over a minute to answer, but that one minute was more than enough to get lost. Renjun, staring at him with something akin to wonder but deeper and darker, had tossed him into an unknown universe without him knowing.  
  
"Have I told you that you're my star, hyung?" Renjun asked as he looked away from Jaehyun. "If you had an opposite, the world I created with you in it can be ruined anytime. By your opposite but with the same face, the same smile, but with no heart and mercy.")  
  
Jaehyun also feels things when he looks at the boy. He feels things he's never felt when looking at girls. He feels things he never felt when trying to look at other boys. Just Renjun. Just the boy who consumes books as much as he consumes water. Just the boy who has so much to say to him and so much to make him feel.  
  
("Hyung, why do you like me?"  
  
"I have a long list that I'm too lazy to recite, Jun."  
  
"I only have one reason, hyung."  
  
"Really? What is it?"  
  
"You're alive.")  
  
*.*  
  
He's scared of Renjun. Renjun isn't normal. He doesn't just hold books and absorb information. He holds universes and galaxies and a very bright future. His soul is a black hole, dark and ominous and filled with so many things no one is allowed to see. But Renjun is different in front of him. He's scared of Renjun because the boy is ready to empty his hands just so he can hold on to Jaehyun. He's scared of Renjun because the boy is ready to bare everything for Jaehyun.  
  
("This small speck of dust named Renjun is now for claiming."  
  
"Claiming?"  
  
"Yes, contract includes devotion, care and faith. And everything else demanded."  
  
"Renjun, don't do that."  
  
"Jung Jaehyun.")  
  
He doesn't want Renjun. Wanting Renjun means trapping him in a box when he should be in the vast space. Wanting Renjun means killing the light that attracted Jaehyun to him. He doesn't want Renjun, he loves Renjun. He should let go of Renjun.  
  
*.*  
  
Jaehyun is painfully aware of everything that is wrong in that moment. Renjun's hands are balled into fists but he's not angry. Their friends are surrounding them and are all shocked into silence. Jaehyun himself is heaving for breath, lying about the real contents of his heart and soul is apparently very physically taxing.  
  
"You think you're a good enough person to be liked romantically? Renjun, you live in a dream. Wake up, you're too old for this kind of fantasy."


End file.
